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The Zoo

Once upon a time, I had to cover a physics class.  This was a class composed of seniors, and, well, the varsity football team comprised a third of the class.  You know it’s bad when the teacher warns you…”they can be difficult”.  How bad could they be though, really?


There is a reason I call this “the zoo”.

First things first, the gentleman who were on the football team refused to sit at the lab tables.  They INSISTED on sitting on top of the counters, in a line, at the back of the room.  Now their teacher, who we will refer to as Mrs. X, gave them AMPLE work to do.  Were they even planning on doing it? No.  Did they even have a pen to write with? Absolutely not. What they DID do, was something altogether different….

Mrs. X had given the boys play dough, to calm them down, in the hopes of getting them to focus.  No, you didn’t misread what I just typed. She gave them PLAY-DOUGH, that’s right, the mushy, colorful, gooey substance that thrills kindergarteners and elementary school students across the world.  These boys did not play with the play-dough, they constructed a variety of phallic symbols to display for the class, and for each other. They chased each other around the room with these lovely little models, AND they put them on the chairs, so that when someone went to go sit down, it was as if that male anatomy part appeared to be going into the behind of whatever victim happened to be trying to sit down.

When the  play dough wasn’t enough, they tried to have sword fights with the meter sticks.

When play dough, and sword fights weren’t enough…they tried to light paper on fire with bunsen burners.

The SCARY PART about all of this?

There were five female students, sitting in the front of the room, in desks, doing their work, who proceeded to tell me that,

“Ms. M, you should feel really honored. They’re being REALLY GOOD FOR YOU.”

REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! If that’s GOOD, what the hell is BAD???


Commiserate my friends, commiserate.


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