FIRE.

Hello Beautiful People…

Just when you think life couldn’t get any more insane…IT DOES, right? Well, just when you think students couldn’t get any more out of control, well, THEY DO!  Allow me to paint the picture for you:

Time: 3:30.

Class: Creative writing

What the students are ACTUALLY supposed to be doing: Listening to an audiobook and following along, while taking notes in their journals.

What the students are REALLY doing: Sleeping, complaining, one was actually following the rules, and, the last one, well, THIS STUDENT DECIDED TO LIGHT THEIR PENCIL ON FIRE AND THROW IT OUT OF THE WINDOW.

NO, I’m not making this up.

Yes, it really happened.

HOW did this happen?  Well, like the old saying goes, I turned my head FOR A SECOND, to print out make up work for ANOTHER STUDENT, and, Student Fire decided to whip out a lighter and see what flame does to a pencil.

Naturally, I bugged out.

As I was going to alert my superior, Student Fire wanted to know why I had to go “tell on him”.

Like, really kid?

YOU’RE EIGHTEEN AND YOU THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO LIGHT A PENCIL ON FIRE? WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR BRAIN THAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? HM????????

So yes, Student Fire, as the responsible adult in the room, I’m going to go “tell on you”. But first, we’re all going to sit here in silence, while you find the words to explain your actions.

 

XO

Ms. Sub 

 

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Filed under Disaster, Education, Teenagers, the future

Ramblings.

Hello Lovelies,

Whitney Houston died.

I have to review a million books and write a million reviews.

My EX is, well, currently acting like a teenager going through puberty.

I have to make two entirely new units to correspond with the books for the classes that I actually DO teach.

My brain is essentially mush.

BUT

In the interest of spreading literacy and arts in education and the teachings of wonderful people…

DO check out The Write Teacher on Facebook…and then LIKE it.

You will not be disappointed.

Happy Grammy Night!

Happy Monday!

RIP Whitney…you were a great love.

xo

Ms. Sub

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Hi, my name is KINDERGARTEN COP…

Hello Friends,

OH BOY! So much catching up do to! As promised, here is my elementary substituting story.  I’ve been subbing in a different district, to try to perhaps get, oh, I don’t know, a salaried teaching job, health insurance, a stable work situation, you know, the usual.  ANYWAY, this district does not have “permanent substitutes”, they only work with per diems, which means that they can put you ANYWHERE THEY WANT.

And yes, that does include the foreign land of elementary school.

When I got the job request, I figured hey, how bad could it be? They’re just kids, right? I mean, what’s that old saying? “Big kids, big problems, little kids, little problems?” I mean, I teach “juvenile delinquents” and I love it! How hard could second grade be? Piece of cake, right?

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

I entered the classroom, and IMMEDIATELY heard the students talking about “how tall” I was, and, naturally, I felt like the giant that landed among the people of Whoville.

I had the students for an hour before they were ushered off to gym.  We read, many books, on the “carpet”.  While on the “carpet”, every single child had a problem:

“He’s touching me!”

“Her foot is on my square!”

“His foot is next to my butt!”

…and so on, and so on.

HOLY F*CKING SH*T HOW DO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHERS DEAL WITH THIS ON A DAILY BASIS!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

My students went to gym, and,  I had a brief moment of reprieve.  That moment was interrupted when the PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER rushed into my classroom.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER:  Are you subbing for Ms. M?

ME: Yes…yes, I am.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER:  Well, this has not happened to me in thirty years.

ME: WHAT hasn’t happened to you in thirty years?

PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER:  Louis, well, he fell, and his tooth was completely extracted, there’s blood everywhere…

ME: You’re kidding, right?

PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER: NO, I wish I was…

ME: I’ll tell you why this happened today, ti’s because I’M THE SUB.

Louis is OK, the dentist says that his tooth with grow in just fine.  Lets fast forward two hours.  The kids were working on an art project that involved scissors.  Yes, I said scissors.  I was talking to one student when I heard a girl yelp, “Ms. Sub! Ken cut his hair!!!!!”

WHAT THE F*CK.

I whipped around, and faced Ken.

Me: DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!

Ken: No….

Me: ARE YOU LYING TO ME?!?!?!??!!

Ken: I’m sorry!

Me: WHY WOULD YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ken: It was only a little!

….

How do you argue with that?

Fast forward to the end of the day:

Jenna and Marissa ask me to go to the bathroom, as they are buddies for the day.  I figure, sure, why not?

Jenna and Marissa come back from the bathroom, and it is nothing short of a hurricane,

Jenna: MS SUB!!!!!

Me: Yes, Jenna?

Jenna: Marissa, she like, LOOKED AT ME when I was going to the bathroom!

Me: Jenna, Marissa is barely three feet tall, I’m sure she couldn’t have been able to see you going to the bathroom.

Jenna: NU-UH!!!! She STOOD on the STALL and LOOKED AT ME GOING TO THE BATHROOM!!!!

Me: Marissa, you cannot LOOK at someone going to the bathroom. Do you understand?

Marissa: Yes ma’am.

Me: Now say you’re sorry to Jenna.

Marissa: I’m sorry, Jenna.

I MEAN, I’m just not cut out for this.  I feel like the female version of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Kindergarten Cop.

I’ve always had the utmost respect for teachers in general, after all, my parents are teachers.  I’ve seen the passion that they’ve devoted to their careers, and I’m proud to be the child of two teachers.  That being said, my parents are high school teachers.  Elementary school teachers are angels on earth. I AM a teacher, and I LOVE CHILDREN, and yet, I couldn’t do it.

I take my hat off to you all.

xo

Ms. Sub

 

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I’ve Missed You All!

Howdy folks!

I’ve missed you all! I realize I haven’t written in some time, but that is unfortunately due to my chaotic schedule! Am I STILL SUBBING? Yes.  Am I teaching at all? YES!  Even though it is only part-time, I am teaching, and that is very exciting.   What else have I been doing? Developing another wonderful blog! But, I digress.  Although I’ve been devoted to many other writing projects and jobs, I have made it my mission to update the tales of substituting this month!

Stay tuned to hear about my interactions in….wait for it…drumroll please….AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSROOM.  Believe me, you will get a good laugh.

Oy vey.

xo

Ms. Sub

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OWS…Food for thought…

I’ve been reading some rather disturbing posts by people on Facebook regarding the Occupy Wall Street movement, and, I just cannot keep my mouth shut anymore.  The folks down on Occupy Wall Street are fighting for a cause that the believe in.  They’re not expecting hand outs, they’re expecting to do their jobs well, and get the appropriate compensation.  Is that too much to ask? Really?  This isn’t, nor should it be a Republican vs. Democrat issue…when you get down to it, it’s about money.  And it REALLY irks me when I see teachers, law enforcement folk, government folk, or any other union person, condemning the OWS movements.  Here’s a clue, they’re fighting to protect your jobs, your hard work, your paychecks.  Think about that before you propagate hate speech for the OWS people.

But, the bottom line is thus – nothing is going to get accomplished until everyone can listen to each other, learn from each other, and work with one another.  We’re the United States of America, we should not be fighting each other – we’re better than that.

Perhaps we SHOULD REMEMBER THIS –

“And that isn’t the purpose of government. The purpose of government is exactly the opposite. The purpose of government is to protect our liberties.” – RON PAUL

Perhaps if we all stopped trying to beat each other for a moment, we could ACTUALLY GET SOMEWHERE.

xo

Ms. Sub

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Filed under Disaster, Disrespectful, Education, Incompetence, the future

Part sub – part teach – part locomotion

I wonder if there will be a day when I can actually teach at one school, have health insurance, and make a decent paycheck.  Let’s be clear that I’m not looking for a short cut, an “easy job”, or anything of the sort.  I went to school for four years.  I went to an unbelievably expensive graduate school for another two.  (Did anyone twist my arm on that? No. But did I think it would be almost IMPOSSIBLE to find a full-time job teaching? NO.)  I followed the rules.  I did what I was supposed to do.  I put THE TIME IN…and yet…well, part sub/part-teach/part loco…motion?

I will be subbing in a new district soon. Joy.

I am teaching part-time, and that actually does give me true joy.

I will constantly be writing, moving, and looking for ways to keep my head above water.  Constant movement is the name of the game people!

One day, I will look back on this and laugh.

One day…

XO

Ms. Sub 

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Filed under College, Education, Perspective, the future

Eleventh Stack Revelations….

Hello Friends!
While reading the Freshly Pressed articles today, I came across two amazing blogs, Eleventh Stack and Helen Abraham Photography. Be sure to check them out!
xo

Ms. Sub

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