Monthly Archives: December 2010

Why this all started…

It was about three weeks ago, and I was talking to my mother, telling her about my day.  By the end of the conversation, she was laughing/crying so hard that she said I should write it down, it was just too funny….

I came into work that morning, and had a very “easy” assignment schedule.  An upper level english class, a lunch duty coverage, and an ISS (in-school suspension) coverage.  Not too bad, right? Think again my friends, think again.

As I relieved my fellow co-worker from his ISS duty, there were a mere three students in the room.  Lets call them Ricky, James, and William. Ricky and James were eating lunch in the back of the room, and William, the older one of the bunch, was scribbling something down in his notebook.  They were mild, relaxed, and just waiting out the end of their punishment.

Then the security guard brought another student into the room.  Lets call him Johnny.   Johnny, who is thirteen years old, looks like he wouldn’t hurt a fly.  Johnny looks like he’s afraid of his own shadow.  Johnny’s backpack is bigger than him.

Johnny came into the room, and immediately greeted Ricky: What’s up you f*@%ing n*gger?

I almost fell out of my chair.  Did he really just say what I think he said?

Ricky: Uhhh Ms. M, you’re going to have to keep that little shit on the other side of the room, so I don’t kick his ass.

Me: Ok boys, let’s just relax. (Now, keep in mind, these children are ALREADY SUSPENDED.  THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE TO SEND THEM, short of sending them home.)

Johnny: F*#@ you!

Me: Johnny, you’re going to have to sit down.

Johnny: NO, I don’t want to.

Me: Johnny, sit down, otherwise I’m going to have to get security. (Johnny finally sits down, smiling his gigantic toothy, braced smile at me.  All this time he is sucking on a pen cap, as if it’s a pacifier.) Johnny, take out the pen cap.   I don’t want you to choke.

Johnny: NO! I don’t f#*%ing want to.  Do you know what my mother does for a living?

Me: No, Johnny I don’t. Why don’t you take out the pen cap and tell me.

Johnny: She sucks cock. For money. HAHAHAHHAHA.

Me: (Again, I was horrified).  Johnny, don’t say that again.

Johnny: WHAT!? It’s true! And my Daddy shovels horse shit.

Me: Johnny let’s be quiet for the rest of the period.

Johnny: Fuck you! (He then proceeds to slurp on his pen cap for the remainder of the period, and make paper airplanes.  I take the paper airplanes away, and throw them in the garbage.  Johnny’s response to this? Take them away, I have a million MORE!!!! HAHAHAHAHA. The bell finally rings…)

Me: Bye guys.

Johnny: You can’t f*%#ing do anything to me!!! HAHAHAHAHA. (While screaming these inappropriate things, he wiggles his tongue, and truly looks like the Chucky doll come to life.)

Tell me friends, who has had the pleasure of covering for ISS rooms?


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Day 1, a million years ago….

Time: 2 years ago.

Month: September.

Class: Ninth grade spanish

Period: 1

Student A: So, um, do you like want to be a real teacher one day?

Me: Excuse me? I AM a real teacher.

Student A: No I mean, not like a substitute. Like, a REAL teacher.

Me: Substitutes ARE real teachers. Nobody goes to school to be a SUBSTITUTE!!!!


Later on, the same day…

Period 3

Class: Self-Contained Mathematics

Student A is shooting the stapler at Student B.

Student C, while dangling a bottle of Purel over my head: Wouldn’t it be funny if this got all over your hair?

Me:  No, no it wouldn’t. SIT DOWN NOW.  Now, we have to do the work that Mr. N left for you.

Entire Class: We don’t fucking do work. There’s a sub. DUH…



And that was just the beginning…


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I remember when…

There was this time, a mere two and half years ago….I was enrolled in a teacher preparation program in New York City. I was getting my MASTERS. I was pumped.  I was on top of the world.  I had actually commuted from my childhood home to the NYC, with the intention of graduating, getting a job, and then buying my own place. Simple yes? HA! Little did I know…..that the job market would be horrendous.  That everyone and their grandmother would be trying to get a teacher job, that New York City would actually put a FREEZE on hiring new teachers.  A FREEZE!!! I had just devoted a year of my life to teaching in the big apple – it had my sweat, my creativity, my blood, my tears, and all the money I had ever saved in my entire life. BUT, that wasn’t good enough for the powers that be in regards to education – I wasn’t in the “system” as a teacher, but rather a student teacher.  Which basically means that the lovely city got a year of work from me, for free….and I got SCREWED.

And yet, I was determined to get a job.  The city didn’t need me? FINE.  I’ll go elsewhere.  Long Island here I come! I don’t can’t where, I’ll travel. I’ll work. I’m DYING TO teach. So I began the lovely task of mass mailing.  Constantly. Incessantly. Over and over and over and over again.   And what was the light at the end of that tunnel?

……..Substitute teacher.

Tell me friends, what do YOU remember?  😉

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Filed under Education, Perspective, Silver Lining